Dentist

I’m 25 and today had my first root canal – I know not something I should be proud of!

Last week I had been suffering a mild tooth ache, but pushed it off by taking pain killers. By the end of the week my jaw swelled up like a balloon and I considered doing something about it, but took more pain killers.

Eventually my work colleagues bullied me into calling the dental department and booking myself in for a check up…30 minutes later I was standing in the Hospital reception, being shown an x-ray of a huge abscess under my tooth and told I would need a root canal or the tooth removed. I was then handed an appointment slip for 9:15am on Tues 12th Dec and given two lots of antibiotics ‘Amoxicillin’ and ‘Metronidazole’ – the later being stressed that I shouldn’t drink alcohol or would be violently ill – Torture!

So after getting over the shock of not being able drink for a whole week…oh…and the abscess, I placed the appointment in my pocket, said thanks (god knows why?) and headed back to work.

Swiftly moving back into the present…its 8:15 and I have just dropped the kids off at Mandy’s (my childminder) and heading back home to contemplate my fate. I forgot how scared I was of dentists…deep breathes it’ll be ok – that’s what everyone keeps telling me, surely they are being honest and not just nice?

I try and do some housework but give up and check the e-mail instead, then go through and brush my teeth – Is it just me or does everyone do that before seeing the dentist? After a further 15 minutes of ambling around the house not really doing anything, but worrying, I go back and brush my teeth again, then look at my watch… 8:55…right time to go, so grab my coat but stop at the bathroom door – I’ll just brush my teeth one more time!

I arrive at the Hospital reception at 9:10am, check-in and get myself comfortable in the waiting area. I decided to try and take my mind of what’s to come by examining every scrap of paper that was scattered about the walls – god they are boring! Although one advert amused me – It was a picture of seven men standing together with the caption “Men come in all shapes and sizes – so do condoms!”

It seemed like forever for the display to beep and show ‘Marie Loveridge to Room D3’. I prised myself off the chair and headed to the room, wiping my sweaty palms on my coat on the way. Thankfully the lady dentist didn’t want to shake hands – maybe she could see me and just smiled while pointing towards the chair.

The worst part for me is the injections – I’m absolutely terrified. But get around this by closing my eyes when I sense its coming and have a feeling I hold my breath too, but really too nervous to remember. It’s normally in and out before I realize – thankfully. A little while later my jaw, cheek, lip and half of my tongue are numb – cool!

I won’t go into the details, mainly because I have no idea what they were, but just know that some miniature scaffold was placed around my tooth and there was a lot of drilling, poking and measuring. Almost felt like I was mother earth being probed by geologists – yes my mind was still wandering about.

The dentist was very good though, very gentle and said I could even go to sleep if I wanted as it was going to take a while. I tried to grin but it’s quite hard when your jaw is wide open and a rubber mat with various scaffolds is covering most of your mouth! But think she could see from the wrinkles on the sides of my eyes I was smiling. That’s one thing I will never understand though – why do dentists ask questions that need more of a head nod answer when you are unable to? Might be a game they play to keep themselves amused…yes that’s it I’m sure!

So we are quite a way through the procedure and I’m told the little red strips I see before me are rubber from the guttering company in Australia and that she is dipping them in cement before inserting them into my tooth – hummm thanks for that. Fairly sure now dentists have to go to construction school as well - with all the scaffold, rubber and cement they use!

It’s all over by 11:20 and I should say now I am very pleased with how it went and would like to thank to the dentist and her assistant as it didn’t hurt a bit! So maybe I won’t be so scared next time…yes I’m sure there will be a next time!

Testing Endurance

The weekend started early last week, with a cocktail party aboard HMS Endurance. I felt honoured to have been asked, as I thought riff-raff weren’t invited to these events, so the crew would have a good impression of the Falklands - it turns out I am still riff-raff and was the last of the last resorts for an invite!

Fortunately my work colleagues were in the same boat (no pun intended), so I didn’t feel too left out and came to the conclusion it was about time the Navy met the real Falkland Islanders…this plan was to be shattered later that evening.

Being a cocktail party I had to dig in the deepest cupboards to find something suitable to wear and actually scrubbed up quite well, in my dress and jacket, I think? I was collected by Tim a work mate and we arrived at the dock at 6:15pm sharp to board a 12m launch (Speedwell). This was our taxi to the ship, which then made me wonder why did I wear a dress again?? At least my shoes were fairly practical – unlike some I saw!

When we approached the ship I noticed the angle of the gang way and thought again about my decision to wearing a dress! Stepping across to the gang-way was fine and I slowly ascended the stairs. Half way up I stopped and looked back down to the launch to see Stevie (an old school mate) stretching his neck to look out of his window – cheeky little bugger must remember to slap him when I go back!

Once aboard we settled in with the others on the flight deck and quickly located the bar, which probably doesn’t shock anyone. There we had a choice of Gin, Rum, Wine or Orange Juice to drink so, trying to be a little classy, I took a glass of white wine. This later turned into red wine, which I still haven’t fathomed out, but assume I stole someone’s glass and just forgot what colour I was drinking – well wine is wine when you’ve had a few glasses. One problem I seemed to be having as the evening progressed was getting the wine to stay in the glass…and how red was proving a bad colour – I believe there are a few stains on the deck now, but I put it down to the ship moving and just kept shuffling away from the spills.

About half way through the evening, while in a small group, it was noted by one of the officers, we didn’t sound like Falkland Islanders. I thought back to my plan of being the riff-raff Falkland Islanders and how we would show them, but was shot down in flames when it transpired I was the only person in our group to be born here…bugger!

These were not to be my only embarrassing moments, as later in the evening I spotted someone, I thought I knew, across the deck and bumbled off to say Hello. He was talking to another officer when I walked into their conversation and said quite confidently “Hi Phil!” The man turned to me slightly bemused and replied with “I’m Joe, but you can call me Phil if you like!” (This was to be his worst regret by the time we got off the ship!) The officer whose name was Steve (but don’t quote me on that as I got Phil/Joe wrong!) laughed and said “Have you met Mary?” Little did he know and looked slightly embarrassed when I did finally introduce myself as Marie. After a proper introduction - It turned out the guy who I thought was Phil the History teacher was in actual fact Joe the Veterinarian and Steve was infact Pete the 2nd Engineer, but i was still Marie the drunken idiot getting peoples names wrong!

Having already made an arse of myself, I decided to ask Steve if there was any chance of a tour of the ship, Joe was also keen and eventually Nuala and Sian joined us. While the others headed back to shore we had a tour of the ship and eventually ended up in the Officers Bar, where we met John, Charlene, John and Stephanie more locals who had also scored a tour and drinks away from the main event.

As I passed the sofa a guy stopped me and asked if I would pass the tea-towel sitting on the bar, directly under the bell…you seafarers know what’s coming next don’t you? Yes…I toddled over, picked up the towel and started walking away when “DING DING!” The bloody towel was attached to the bell and I soon learned it was customary for whoever rang the bell to buy that round of drinks – talk about set up! Fortunately a nice officer chap felt sorry for me and bought the round…being a girl has its advantages sometimes.

After a few more drinks we were called for the last launch at 10:30, so were escorted back to the gang-way and Speedwell patiently awaiting. The trip in was a blur and before I knew it was staggering up Philomel Hill arm-in-arm with Nuala, heading to the Vic.

I believe it was packed in the Vic as there was some folk music event happening and I’m not going to admit to dancing to a few country tunes…damn just did! Well I put it down to the alcohol - it will make you do crazy things…like dancing to country! Eventually we were kicked out and I headed home only to get almost to the door step and remember I was staying at my parent’s house way back up west! It’s only a half hour walk (sober), but seemed to take a long while to get there. I was very pleased to crawl into my bed for some sleep, although it felt like an hour it was the best hours’ sleep I have had in a long time.

Baa Baa white sheep give us all your wool!!

First gather you flock into the shearing shed and gently persuade them into the smaller pens near the shearing floor. People think sheep are dumb, but they seem to know which way not to go!

Once in they are now easy pickings for the shearers, who pluck them out one at a time and remove their hard grown coats.

Once removed the fleece is collected by the Rousie, picked at by the table hand and rolled up. It is then carried to the wool press and squished into a bale.

Thus leaving the farmer happy and sheep...

naked and cold.

Oh and granchildren sit in back with wool debating what clothes Nan should knit from it.

THE END

Relaxing Weekend My Arse!

Last weekend I decided to take a break from going to the pubs. Although knew temptation would be too strong so banished myself to camp (a term used for all locations outside of Stanley) and relax at Horseshoe Bay Farm. This is the home of my Aunt and Uncle (Maggie & Peter Goss) who have lived there since 1980 and a place where I spent most of my childhood.

I loved the freedom as a child and would spend 90% of the day outside making horse dung and blackberry pies, stealing strawberries from the garden, helping out in the shed (being leaping in the wool and winding up the sheep) and general farming work. It’s great as a child to do these things…one big game and an even bigger adventure - like going to collect the eggs for instance. We would spend hours scouting around the Gorse bushes looking for nests, although it would be a fight when discovering a nest and it came to using the egg collecting spoon (this was a table spoon attached to a long piece of pipe) Anyone passing would think it was valuable the way we fought over it – of course it was always the biggest child that won, which wasn’t me…I’m 25 now and still waiting for my turn!

It takes 1 hour (travelling at the speed limit) to get to Horseshoe, but I would recommend taking company – not just for the conversation but there are at least 6 gates to go through. It’s unbelievably frustrating having to get out and open a gate, hop back in the car, only to find the gate to has blown closed again!

We arrived on Friday evening, settled into the main house and enjoyed a few beverages (1 cup of tea followed by the best part of a case of Strongbow), while catching up on lost time. This is the first time in nearly a year since I have been out at Horseshoe – I know…terribly slack on my behalf, but I intend on making it up to them somehow – which was to be sooner than I anticipated…

A Joke

I heard a good joke today and just had to share it with you…

A sales man went to a house, knocked on the door and after a few minutes a little boy answered.

“Hello” says the sales man “Is your mummy home?”

“Yes but she’s busy” the little boy whispers

“Ok…Is your daddy home?” continues the sales man

“Yes but he’s busy” whispers the little boy

“Do you have any brothers or sisters – are they home?” says the sales man

“Yes but they are all busy” whispers the little boy

“Is there anyone else in the house?” says the sales man

“Yes…A policeman, but he’s busy too” whispers the little boy

“This is ridiculous” says the sales man “How can everyone be busy – What are they doing?”

The little boy leans forward and whispers “Looking for me!”

Happy 1,000+ visitors

It’s like having a birthday – so I celebrated by having a few drinks!

Cheers everyone

Medieval Banquet

Last week I found myself cornered into purchasing raffle tickets. This related to a Medieval Banquet evening (being a charity event on behalf of SAMA 82). As I had no real excuses for not purchasing tickets I reluctantly opened my half empty purse and released the last of it’s contents – Sarah immediately handed me back the till receipt, from last weeks shopping, but kept the £10. She politely thanked me for my contribution and proceeded to say I should come, that tickets were £25 each, but included a meal, free wine and cider and fancy dress was optional. The only word that stuck in my brain was FREE! So I bought 4 tickets…Damn what a sucker!

The rest of the week, was occupied with research on the medieval ages to get an idea for a costume (yes suckered into that one too!) Unfortunately you have to make it yourself or go without here – no popping into your local costume shop to hire a gown for the night. That would have been nice though and could have saved me valuable time wandering around town trying source bits and pieces that would make-up my costume.

I eventually pulled everything together and by 6:30 Saturday evening was beginning to turn myself into a medieval maiden – although did consider tavern wench at one stage when my hair wouldn’t sit straight! This may explain why it took me the next two hours to get ready, making us (my Mum and Dad) half an hour late for the event. We turned up in the middle of the guest speech, which was quite embarrassing but not as much as having to walk past everyone, who couldn’t help but stare, to get to our seats. While the speech continued we sat quietly listening and assessing our table which consisted of:

1 Soft centred crusty loaf of bread
1 Large Church Candle
6 Napkins
6 Glasses
1 bottle of White wine
1 small bowl of water with a slice of lemon
And
1 Large wicker basket with plastic bag embedded.

After the speech mum leaned over to me and said “That loaf of bread sitting on the table looks very realistic!”
“That’s because it is mum - do you want a piece?” I replied trying not to make her feel too silly. Poor ma I guess she didn’t research the medieval ages before coming out – I contemplated enlightening her on what was to come, but thought it would be more entertaining to leave it.

And we didn’t have to wait long…I pointed towards one of the waitresses with a large tray of crusty oblongs slices of bread and said, “Look! - Here come the plates”. Mum laughed out loud and replied with “Hah - That’s a good one!” Just as the waitress placed the bread in front of her and said “Here’s your plate Sybie!”…we’ve never laughed so hard!

The remainder of the meal was also full of surprises and laughter. We managed to con a friend (Nigel Leach), dressed as a jester, to juggle the fresh fruit dessert for us. He did well with the grapes and again with the apples until he got distracted by a busty bar wench and…thud, thud, thud! Nigel quickly handed back our, now bruised and dizzy, apples and said “Enjoy your dessert!” before scampering back to his table. Oh well it was good for a while. Just then the hired Jester (Gary Tyrrell) turned up and informed us he had two pairs of tights on because one pair wouldn’t hold up his…well you get the picture! (I should mention we know Gary quite well as he is a dedicated Chelsea Fan like Dad).

After the meal the live band appeared and entertained us with a few songs (not medieval though). They didn’t stay long unfortunately and left us with a stereo to entertain ourselves. I have to admit someone has a pretty good collection of music as I was up dancing most of the evening. It was a good mixture of dance, folk and country (Dad was quick to remind me he thought I didn’t like Country to which I replied “I’m drinking faster now so I get drunk quicker and it doesn’t sounds so bad!”)

Later in the evening (about 11:30) the hall seemed to empty suddenly. People have no stamina these days…although believe I was asleep at the table for a few minutes, but we won’t go into that! Moving quickly on…I noticed three cooked chickens on the display piece in the middle of the hall, so went to ask the organiser if I could have a piece of one. She kindly agreed and said they would only be wasted otherwise. So I headed to the fake fireplace and swiftly removed a whole chicken, took it back to our table and shared it with the other hungry party goers who were too chicken (excuse the pun) to go and ask.

It wasn’t until the lights came on and we were being herded out of the hall when I realized it was 2:30am and the event was over…devastated but when we got outside I was suddenly knackered and needed my bed. Got a taxi home, collapsed in bed and woke the next morning still dressed as a fair maiden, but looking like a peasant girl!

The biggest shock being I didn’t have a hangover!?

"Holberg" takes a dive!

Only days ago we were looking out the window of my office debating the name of the red ship sitting in the harbour. We finally discovered it was the “Holberg” A fishing vessel that trawls for Falkland Scallops.

You can imagine my shock today to learn that she has ran aground and is partially submerged in a small harbour North of West Falkland. Thankfully no-one was seriously injured and all the crew were rescued safely.

I’ll update you when the full story is published.

Things that go GRUNT in the night!

Decided it was time to put a stop to my early nights of 1am and start going to bed at a reasonable hour. It only struck me that late nights were not a good idea when I went to bed at 9:30 one night and woke the next morning more tired than if I had gone to bed at midnight! After trying a simple test of…not going to bed until midnight for two nights followed by going to bed at 9:30 for the same duration - it was glaringly obvious that I do require the recommended 7-8 hours sleep a day and I am not Superwoman! - As much as I would have enjoyed that!

Coincidently one of the early nights was on Halloween! Although I think it was planned as I am a big wimp really and was scared of seeing something in the mirror at midnight…me!!

I settled myself into bed at 9pm and read my book (Jeremy Clarkson) which is quite humorous, but must have installed fear into my brain before going to sleep. When the light went out and everything was dark I could suddenly hear all the funny little noises around the house. I’m sure they are not there normally? Maybe I’m just paranoid!

Eventually I convinced myself all was well and pushed my head deeper into the pillow to block anymore unusual sounds…just then Sarah made the loudest, strangest grunting noise I have ever heard! Luckily for my heart, which was now in my mouth, she made a squeaking noise afterwards, which made me realize the spooks didn’t have me and it was the baby in the next room…

…Half an hour later I managed to slow my heart back to regular pace and control my breathing. I buried back into the covers and forced myself to sleep…can’t be awake at midnight!!

Fighting Pigs and the Trough

Sounds like something from the "Farmers Weekly" magazine, but in fact is a location and a band that play there.

It’s Saturday and I have been invited out with my old school friend Cara. (This is the first time she has been out since having her second child 13 weeks ago and admitted to not being properly drunk for nearly a year! With this in mind I decided we should get suitably pissed and stagger home at some ridiculous hour in the morning).

We started late (about 8:30) at the Victory Bar, so had some lost drinking time to catch up on. The Victory was unusually quiet when we first arrived but began to fill not long after. We came to the conclusion everyone had just finished watching the first part of the X Factor and set their tape recorders for the later show – a little sad when you think about it, but half the reason why we were so late…which makes me such a hypocrite! We downed our drinks, as the atmosphere was decidedly uncomfortable in the Vic that night, and ambled along to Deanos Bar to lose ourselves in the crowd and low light.

When we arrived at Deanos it was so crowded I contemplated tying a helium balloon to myself (something you do when leaving your car in a huge car park for the first time) so Cara could see where I was after setting out to buy a round of drinks. It turned out the military were ambushing Stanley this evening and filled the already very small pubs and bars around town. There appeared to be an early Halloween theme with a few groups, which was interesting to say the least…one guy had dressed as Satan, which was ok, until he turned around to reveal the arse of his costume missing and only wearing a G-string – Yikes…Satan just got sexy!

At 11:20 the DJ announced we should go to the bar and buy our drinks if continuing onto the Trough, so after a little debate and not much arm twisting convinced Cara to come, but somewhere in crowds and numerous taxis going to our destination we became separated. I turned up at the Trough solo, but soon caught up with a work colleague who I sat with near the stage where the Fighting Pigs were performing. Another work colleague plays bass guitar for the band, so we spent the whole evening trying to distract him, which he took in his stride and managed to compose himself without a single missed note – bugger! I will have to try harder next time…what an excellent excuse to go out again.

Never did find Cara after Deanos so assumed she either didn’t make it to the Trough or was there and I didn’t see her in the crowd - The balloon wasn’t such a silly idea after all!

Oreo Milkshake and Toothache!

It’s early evening and I’m sitting in front of the television for the first time since broadband was installed. Broadband has been fantastic so far and I’m actually looking forward to my phone bill this month rather than regretting every second I spent online. The only problem with a permanent connection is I’m not getting to bed before midnight!! Which reminds me…I must look up on the internet how much sleep the average person needs?

The main reason for not sitting at the computer tonight was Cable & Wireless (The local telephone company) have cut off the internet for maintenance. So I decided to make myself an Oreo Milkshake,* take a break and be a coach potato for the night. Not the healthiest life I lead, but you need a bit of time to vegetate and let your brain relax once in a while.

I’m sitting comfortably on the sofa and take a long sip of my milkshake - suddenly I’m struck with toothache. Ouch…oh it wasn’t that bad so take another sip …Ouch shit! That hurt more! “One more time – it’s just in your head” I tell myself “I will bloody enjoy this drink – the effort that went into making it!” Blast! it really does sting!! Damn tooth! But I’m not wasting this Milkshake now…so spend the next 10 minutes in agony defiantly drinking my milkshake while convincing myself the pain is worth the taste. Who was I trying to kid now my tooth aches like hell and I forced my favourite milkshake down without really enjoying it!

After a couple of Alka-Seltzer I decide to retire to bed and read my book mumbling to myself on the way…bloody tooth, bloody work up to make that drink and didn’t even enjoy it, bloody no internet…mumble, mumble, mutter...

Good night

*This appeared before me for the first time in a restaurant called Denny’s next to the Cinema in Christchurch, New Zealand. I remember it like it was yesterday…shame it was actually 8 years ago!

For those of you that have never experienced one here’s my recipe:-

1 x Packets of Oreo biscuits or something similar
5 or 6 Large scoops of Ice-Cream (any flavour)
Milk (Your judgment)

And that’s it – blend it all together until it’s thick but drinkable, sit back and enjoy!

Oh Crumbs!

My oldest daughter Katie started Pre-School this year and so far absolutely loves it! She began in September and has already turned my bedroom wall into a montage of her work! They seem to be very constructive at Pre-School these days - I don’t remember anything like it when I was at school, but then I don’t remember much of my earlier years in school anyway!

One day when collecting the girls from Mandy’s (The childminder) I was taken aback by Katie running to me at top speed with her mouth going at the same rate – she almost forgot to breathe being that excited to tell me something! When she stopped talking and just stood there looking at me anxiously waiting for a reply - I had to quickly try and decipher the garbled message, which ended up something like:-

“Mummy we made biscuits, with the eyes and the mouth and the nose!”

Yeah? – I still wasn’t quite sure what had happened, but came to the conclusion it was good and I should congratulate her for the mysterious achievement.

A little while later we arrived home and unloaded the mass of items that go with three small children! When we are finally settled upstairs – I take a look in Kate’s rucksack, knowing that’s where the teacher leaves letters of upcoming events and more artwork! Although that day was a surprise and when I looked into the bag there was only a rounded piece of tinfoil. I remove it from the bag and carefully open it to reveal the biscuit! - With eyes and nose – Fantastic! So this is what all the excitement was over!

And here it is…

Forget the Birds and Bees!

I was chatting with a friend the other night and some how managed to get onto the subject of animal genitals. The biggest shock not being the topic itself, but more how much useless knowledge I have stored in my brain – Things like:

Did you know a rooster doesn’t have a penis?

And

A pig’s penis looks like a cork screw!

After a while it occurred to me that my mum had never given me the talk about the birds and bees…she just sent me out to watch the chickens and pigs!!

Postcard Places

I missed this one yesterday - another postcard…of some buildings in the capital Stanley.

Fantastic Pictures!

Thought it was about time I showed you a little more of the Falkland Islands…so here are some pictures.

OK I cheated they are just postcards from the local gift shop, but they are pretty good all the same!

My favourite being the fat black and white ducks on the beach!

Phewl!

Thank goodness for the folk who build new vehicles and plan for the idiots!

I took the new office vehicle, a Land Rover 90, to the fuel station today and parked up at the Diesel Pump. As I leapt out a doubt crossed my mind “Have I chosen the correct pump?”

When I reach the fuel cap and place the key in to unlock it I noticed a small label underneath marked “Diesel”…Phew that’s a relief – I would hate to be the idiot that put the wrong fuel in!

Although...I was the idiot that admitted to the shop assistant that I had doubts until I saw the label!! Doh!!

What’s Your Secret Identity?

I received an email the other day from a friend in Australia entitled “Which superhero are you?” intrigued I clicked the link and began completing the questions before me. After what seemed like an eternity I got to the end and submitted my answers. It took a little while for it to process my information, but eventually came up and to my horror I was revealed as Robin of Batman and Robin. I was divested having just missed Super Girl by 2% and ending up with the pansy – Should have said yes to the push-up bra question…damn!!

I wrote back to my friend and told him I wasn’t amused about being Robin. He wrote back a while later saying “You think that was bad…I got bloody Cat Woman!”

So if you can’t resist temptation here’s the link…you know you want to!!

http://www.thesuperheroquiz.com/

The fourth R

Everyone knows the three R’s

Reading
Writing and
Arithmetic

(This never made sense to me as a child because I always tried to think of things that started with the letter R!)

I now have a fourth…Ripping

The other day Katie proudly brought her first school reading book home only for the front and back cover to be ripped off by her younger sister (Becky). I was so angry and shocked that she would even consider it, as we have always taught our girls to respect books. After a good telling off I shut her in the bedroom to calm down and think about what she had done - that and the screaming was piercing my brain!

When I walked back into my room to see the carnage, Katie was sitting over it looking very disappointed and trying to line the pieces back together. I grabbed the sticky tape and made a reasonable attempt at fixing it. Now I have to write apologizing to the school teacher and most likely buy a replacement!

By the time I had finished Becky had finally calmed down and gone quiet in the next room. I carefully opened the door in case she had fallen asleep behind it, which has been done more than once! She is awake, sitting on the floor and would you believe what she is doing…carefully reading her collection of books - Unbelievable!!

Broadband

Yesterday I collected my ADSL Package and Micro-filter plugs to enable me to use the all new broadband system in the Falkland Islands. I rushed home at 4:30 (Not speeding honest officer!) after collecting the girls from the childminders (who I should mention by name now as she has featured quite regularly in my blog, So MANDY FORD - you are now famous. You can thank me later over a beer – Your shout!)

I bundled the kids up stairs and darted into the room where the computer is located, unload the goods out of the plastic bag and onto the bed. Just as I start sifting through it Katie and Becky turn up asking for food and Sarah starts grizzling in the lounge…Sigh! Reluctantly I leave my new toy and go and sort them out (This will back fire on them one day, maybe Christmas when I say “Don’t open your presents yet girls we are going for a walk first!”)

As I walk into the lounge and kitchen I notice the housework is out of control and my house looks more like the local tip. So with a heavy heart and longing for the computer I decide to do the domestic housewife/mum chores and connect broadband when the kids are in bed…sob!

This worked out quite well in the end because I have never cleaned the house so fast in my life and before long it was 7pm and bed time for the girls. Hardly unable to contain my excitement I kissed them all goodnight and dashed back into the computer/bedroom and tore the package open…right what have we here?

After 5 minutes of opening little packets, working out where they might go and neatly laying the cables on the bed in front of the router I noticed how short the telephone cable was! Bugger…this means I’m going to have to move the computer across the room to the phone socket!

…4 hours later the computer is re-located and connected up with its new hardware, but the rest of the room is a bomb site…oh well I’ll do it in a minute! I install the disk and…a further hour and a half of buggering around and struggling to make it work I have done it!! Hello Broadband. My test was to check the mail while hitting the dial button on the telephone…brrrrr (sound of dial tone) YES it works!! I sit back and watch the emails roll in while having have a stretch and yawn, then I look across at the piles of junk and papers on the bed…opps forgot that again…oh well tomorrows job she says bundling it all onto the floor.

Census Again!!

Sunday Night 9:30pm – Oh shit! Just remembered it is Census collection tomorrow and I haven’t completed my form! After a good 15 minutes of hunting I finally found it hidden under various other pieces of paper (Mental note – Do some filing soon!)

It didn’t take long to complete all but one of the questions, this being “What is the engine size of your vehicle?” – Where’s Dan when you need him! Only a man could answer that question without pausing to think about it (I’m not saying they are always right, but they know we don’t have a clue and if they sound convincing then it must be right!) I always wonder if it’s the Strawberry blonde that hinders me on these issues – The blonde side of me wants to say “I don’t know it’s just an Isuzu” but luckily the less blonde side gets the final say, most times, and decided I should look under the bonnet of the car for labels…sure enough there were labels, my new dilemma being they are all in Japanese!! Fortunately numbers are universal and after a while I spotted a 3049cc so assumed that was it.

Monday Morning – Still can’t shake this flu!! It has turned into an annoying cough now, making me sound like a 60 year old chain smoker! But I dragged my corpse into work and hoped it would ease off for tonight.

Monday Afternoon – Flu hasn’t gone completely and feel fairly groggy, but I’m tough I try and convince myself so head off for the same routine as before, collect girls, drop off at Nan’s and go to Census base. At base I am issued my yellow vest, an empty box and a Mars Bar (Bonus!) I had the same area to collect as I delivered so knew where I was heading and who to expect. I believe only two had forgotten to complete theirs, and to not be a hypercritic and say “Well you were told about Census night!” in the knowledge I had only just completed mine late last night, gave them an hour before I returned to pick them up.

Most people had left there’s in obvious places so I just had to walk up and collect them rather than ring door bells and break my knuckles knocking. One person kindly left their form in view on their front porch window sill, but they forgot to leave the door unlocked!! Another incident that sticks in my mind is someone’s porch was a horrible purple colour. I stood there thinking god that’s awful I would never paint my house that colour and then it hit me…damn my room is that colour! What a moron! At least it cheered me up, although I believe I actually giggled to myself while walking down the street to the next house – If anyone had heard and seen me they would have thought I just escaped from the lunatic asylum.

Finished up at 8:30 with only 5 forms missing in my area, my colleagues did well also and I believe the final figure was 97% return. Not bad – Have a Mars Bar to celebrate folks!

Now it’s up to the computer technician to work her magic or get a headache, eye strain and sore fingers – Good Luck Tech!

Home Brews for Spews…and Poos!

Sorry for the delay folks – still recovering from this one!! (If bleach doesn’t remove stains from the toilet bowl – what do you use?)

This week I will be brewing Imperial. The best time to have this beer is when you have run out of everything alcoholic in your house (including any kitchen cleaning products!) It can cause taste buds to vaporise, which is why this as a last resort drink!

Some people have been know to take dares and drink a whole bottle, but they have to swallow a packet of Imodium Pills straight afterwards otherwise they will have brown water flowing from their lower regions by the next morning. Other people have not been so lucky and are now unable to pee properly or worse want to drink more imperial!

You will need the following ingredients:

80 Empanadas (There are many flavours so don’t be scared and try them all)
4 Medium Sized Stray Dogs (Can be caught easily with meaty empanada trap)
10 Bottles Pisco (Seems a shame to waste it!)
50 Litres Wine (Preferably a mix of Gato Negro and Blanco)

Remove any collars (unless you want added flavour?) from dogs and liquidize. Pour into barrel with a little Pisco. Mash empanadas into pulp using the Pisco to dissolve the harder lumps. When you have a fine mush, pour in remainder Pisco. Transfer to barrel and add wine. Stir a little and place lid on barrel.

Leave the mixture in the barrel clearly marked “Poison” or “Hazardous Waste” Can be served anytime don’t forget the tip from earlier though!

Enjoy!

Join me next week for Heineken (this could be a tricky one - But I will try and enjoy the research).

Blog Idol

This is like Pop Idol, but thankfully you don’t have to sing, otherwise I would have been out months ago!! You thought my dancing was bad, well my singing is worse! Although would you believe I sound just like Annie Lennox when the CD is playing full volume – I know it’s amazing!

I wasn’t sure if anyone actually read my blog, so when I heard about inspiring two people to start their own it came as a pleasant surprise. They should be good, especially for those of you interested in the Falkland Islands. One is from the wife of the local dairy manager and the other a mad person I work with (Yes I’m not the only one – What’s that they say about living on a small island?). Rumours say we are related too, but I’m sticking to my theory that I landed on my parents door step and they took me in – like Clarke Kent, but without the super powers and extra body parts!)

I have added one link to my blog and will update you when the other is published.

What’s the time - Beer ‘O Clock

There’s something about a warm Friday afternoon that gives you this overwhelming urge to drink beer (Not Fosters!) I was sitting at my desk looking out the window enjoying a pleasant scene in my head. (You will have to imagine the hazy squiggles that take you from me gazing out the window to the next scene)

I’m sitting outside somewhere on the grass, with the Barbie smoking away, giving off wonderful smells of half cooked Beef Steaks (Mm), Pork Sausages (Mmm), Chicken Fillets covered in BBQ sauce (Mmmm) and Mutton Chops (Eh?! – Oh well). There are a gang of us enjoying the weather, beer and soon food. I take a swig of my beer, when I hear someone talking at me across the way. Straining to hear what they want I lean forward and…thud! Slip off my chair and land on my knees back in the office…damn!! I haven’t even tried the food yet!

Having ruined the vision I turn back to my computer and work again. By 4pm I’m still longing for a cold beer and decide it’s time to take action…so call an old mate (Nyree) and a babysitter (My parents – bless them!) and it’s a date in the Vic* at 7pm. This turns into 7:30 for me and (as I’m soon to discover) Nyree is also late! So I sit at the bar, like a plank, on my own. Luckily the Vic natives are friendly to strangers and I soon find myself in conversation and being offered drinks from people around the bar. Nyree eventually rolls in at 8:30!! Just in time for the folk night…quick let’s get out of here! (Don’t get me wrong they are very talented people, but I have a limit to the amount of country that I let enter my brain).

We head off to Deanos** It’s humming in here and we have to fight our way to the bar. After two more beers I suddenly realize my feet are tapping, which turns into a sway, bop and before long have been dragged onto the dance floor to make an arse of myself. I’m not the best dancer in the world, especially after a few, but thankfully it’s dark and crowded…so I go with the flow and strut (Like John Travolta in Saturday night fever – God help me!)

*The Vic or Victory Bar is a quaint little pub in the centre of town and is the normal haunt for drinks straight after work.

**This is another pub only 100 yards west of the Vic, but is more like a club than a pub and hosts the more pissed folk who like to strut there stuff on the dance floor.

How now Brown Cow!

Have just finished my, local made (at this point I should say by Stanley Dairy), Passion Fruit Yoghurt and if I wasn’t a lady I would have licked the tub clean…hang on I’m not a classy chick…slurp, slurp…umm yummy!

I don’t eat a lot of yoghurt, but have the occasionally gorge; especially now we have easy access to some fabulous flavours like the Passion Fruit. Yoghurt & Fruit have always been scarce in the Islands and are normally imported from the UK or Chile. As you can imagine we pay an arm and a leg for it, which is why I have three children so I can get more – Ok I’m kidding! But honestly you don’t see much change from £20 when buying a small selection of fruits and yoghurt.

Milk is the other bulk product imported, which is sad as there is a local dairy and has been for some years. Although we have just been gifted with two very talented dairy managers (Don’t go getting big headed now Kevin and Leone!). They have been here less than a year and are already making yoghurts, cream cheeses and promise many more wonderful improvements in the near future. Fantastic – I won’t have to pawn off my children’s limbs!

Excuse me for being blunt, but you can’t beat straight from the teat milk! (I’m still talking bovine guys!!) Fresh creamy milk is the way to go – One of my memories as a child was waking up for breakfast and having lukewarm fresh cows milk poured onto my Ricies, making them go soggy, but still delicious. And a cool glass of milk with choc chip cookies, just completes my afternoons at work – Who says milk and cookies are for kids? I eat them! OK…milk and cookies are for kids!

So now its time for bed and a quick hot chocolate…yet more milk! I’m going to look like a cow soon…no comments thank you!!

Rhyme Time

Have you every tried to make your whole conversational day rhyme? I tried it today, although quietly to myself to save embarrassment if it didn’t work, and really struggled!

My best one being:-

“I have drunk too much tea and now I need to pee!”

The others were just lame and will hopefully be erased from my brain. I’m not a poet and I know it!

So challenge you to do better!

P.S Watch out for words like Orange and purple though - they are impossible! One of my work colleagues pre-warned me about these – Thanks Sue!

Tall Ships of Stanley

Here is a maritime theme with more pictures of Stanley through the ages.

I stole this one from my 2006 Calendar by Tony Chater.* (A local photographer who lives on New Island, which is said to be THE beauty spot of the Islands. After seeing his pictures, throughout the years, of his calendars I would probably have to agree, although reserve judgement until I visit the magical Island). This is alleged to be the earliest local photograph in existence dated 24th February 1881.

Lady Elizabeth

The view is quite different today with about 15 ship wrecks scattered around Stanley Harbour. Only a few are still intact - the Lady Elizabeth and Jhelum being the most noticeable, although the Jhelum has broken her spine and is unlikely to hold together for many more years!

The FI Government recently commissioned the dismantling of the “Charles Cooper” due to hazardous lumps of wood breaking free and floating East towards the Port and Tourist ship tenders! This was sad to see as she was quite a spectacle in her day…that and a hundred Rock Cormorants (Known as “Shags” by the locals – Not sure why? But will share the information when/if I ever find out!) are now looking for new homes.

The names of these vessels are lost in my mind somewhere – If anyone recognises them please feel free to update us via the comments

Endeavour

We do receive tall ship visits occasionally. These are always popular with the locals who flock to the sea front to get a better view (I always find this amusing as some people have better views from their windows on the hill!)

I have to admit we made a special effort to meet the Endeavour, but she is a Historical Legend! The tour aboard was great and very interesting, although I couldn’t see myself volunteering to sail aboard her, like most of the crew at the time. I have never been on a ship for more than a few hours and felt my stomach churning even then!

Wonder why I married a sailor? Maybe sea sickness is something you have to beat out of yourself by going to sea for a week? I will let you know if it works – Might even try the carrot test since I’m going to spew anyway – What we do in the name of research!

*These can be purchased through the Pink Shop by clicking on the Falkland Islands Web page link to the left of my Blog. (I should demand sales fees for this!)

Home Brews for Spews

This week we will be brewing Fosters. This is a great beer in summer when you are likely to have a BBQ (or Barbie for our Antipodean friends).

As Barbie’s are normally outside you can easily tip your drink onto the ground without anyone suspecting you are actually dumping it. A few tips on “How to spill your Fosters without being noticed” are:-

1) Sit on a lumpy piece of ground and set the bottle down on the grass unknowingly, making sure you say “Oh shit! - What a waste” when someone informs you of your accident.

2) If there are children present encourage them to run around you and sky-lark, this way it is likely they will kick your bottle over.

3) House pets can be used in the same way as children.

4) Balance your beer on the edge of a table or arm of a chair.

5) Go to the bathroom taking your beer with you, make sure you take a sip in view of a few people (but hold it in your mouth until you reach the toilet!) this makes the illusion believable. When you reach the toilet spit and tip. Find the toothpaste, squirt a blob into your mouth and rinse with water. When you go back to the Barbie don’t mention you have an empty bottle, leave the bliss a little longer before reluctantly accepting another bottle of Fosters!

You will need the following ingredients:

2 Kangaroos
1 Koala (Because they are endangered otherwise we would have suggested 2)
1 Duckbilled Platypus (remove beak)
4 Buckets of Horse Piss
3 Cups Sugar
4 Eucalyptus Leaves
1 Gas Cylinder
1 Clothes Peg

Liquidize the furry critters until smooth in texture. Pour into a barrel along with the horse piss, sugar and eucalyptus leaves. Cover barrel and leave for about a month to mature. After a month remove eucalyptus leaves and add the gas.

Served chilled (make sure you have removed any food products from your fridge as they will be quickly contaminated with the odours) with clothes peg. Suggest to your guests they should wear peg on their nose – this not only stops the odours but will have your guests speaking fluent Oz in no time.

Enjoy!

Join me next week for Imperial

Happy Birthday and…Get well Soon?

Sorry folks we have been ill for the last three days so thought I would spare you the depressing daily posts and wait until I recovered.

Here’s a summary of the last couple of days:-

Monday - Becky had a great Birthday, even though she was full of the flu. I have never seen a kid so perplexed, although did get the impression she doesn’t understand birthdays yet, by the confused and delighted expressions on her face throughout the evening. She was already excited by the prospect of just visitors!

Nan & Granddad did their usual overgenerous donation of gifts and gave presents to the other two as well. Auntie also went a little mad with a Pram, babies and books. As for me… well I won’t beat around the bush, I’m a tight arse and bought one present for the birthday girl only (I could make Scrooge look charitable!) They were all very nice presents though and very kindly received – Should keep the girls happy for a long while.

Tuesday – All tucked up on the sofa, with pillows, a duvet and two boxes of tissues, watching “Chicken Run” on the television. After that I played “Ship Simulator” while the girls continued the cartoon-a-thon with “Maisy Mouse”. I feel guilty about not doing any house work…Ok I’m lying! But I managed a whole 3 hours sleep Sunday night and 2 1/2 last night so I’m knackered!

Wednesday – Still not feeling great and had yet another broken sleep! I could barely drag myself out of bed this morning, but finally summoned up the strength. Had another fairly slow day, which eventually kicked up a gear as I started to feel a bit better. That and the house needed urgent attention – JOY!

Back to work tomorrow (YIPEE!! – I’m not being sarcastic! I do enjoy work. Mainly because I’m free of the kids, no offence girls, and can chat to adults) even if I haven’t shook off this flu. I’ve tried medicine and rest so now it’s time to try and pass it onto someone else – I know I’m too kind!

Well I’m off to play more “Ship Simulator” – I know it’s sad, but quite good fun and I’m an ace ship handler now…only sank two container ships! Plus I’m getting more action than Dan; as his ‘real’ ship is in dry-dock so he can only dream about handling one at the moment. (That should get him commenting!)

Becky’s Birthday – The Preparation

It’s Sunday and one day before our second baby Becky’s second birthday – Hah! Try saying that six times in quick succession.

I managed to stay in bed until 8:15 today, although (ironically) was awake at 7:15 wondering if I should get up before I’m forced to. It was 7:30 when I realized they weren’t going to stir for a while longer so grabbed my book “The Time Travelers Wife” by Audrey Niffenegger* and read for the next 45 minutes. There was no point trying to go back to sleep as I always feel worse waking up a second time. It was nice just relaxing for a while and waking up slow for once!

The girls did get up at 8:00 but helped themselves to the television and, as I was to discover later, the tin of biscuits I left on the kitchen bench (They were quiet so it didn’t bother me at the time). I suppose it’s my own fault as I have always encouraged the girls to be more independent - it makes my life a little easier. Katie wants to do everything by herself now including stealing biscuits, crisps and anything else she’s not supposed to, while mum isn’t watching. She’s like a young female Robin Hood, taking from the witch and giving to the poor smaller siblings. She has been caught a couple of times, although is quite sharp and says “But Mum…Becky was hungry!”

By 11:00 I finally decide I may have left it too late to make the cake…so start immediately and hope I haven’t! All goes smoothly until two keen little helpers turn up and I realize they are only interested in eating the cake mix rather than helping. (They must get it from their father, he’s always hanging off my shoulder when I bake cakes making sure, I use a spoon rather than a spatula so, there’s plenty of mix left in the bowl). They conveniently forget the biscuit theft this morning, but when I see their earnest little faces, swiftly hand them the bowl, wooden spoon and spatula (Dan’s not here so I had started scrapping the bowl – Can’t waste good cake mix!)

By 4:30 I have the cake made and iced – Good or what!? Ok it’s not very special, but the girls recognised the character, which is encouraging! The only problem I have now is finding the kitchen bench…I know it’s under here somewhere! I, and most of my family, believe I’m the messiest cook in the world. In my defence I have four different colours of icing on that cake so I had to use four bowls, four knives and two icing guns – OK it was a little OTT I suppose!

The rest of the afternoon/evening is taken up with domestic chores – JOY!! One key moment though was walking into the girls’ room to see Chelsea (the cat) harassing Katie for cuddles, while she is watching television.** (This is very unlike Chelsea she isn’t the most social cat in the world, coincidently making her appearance of the day at dinner time!) So I walk over and give her a pat while saying “You’re a big softy...aren’t you?” to which Katie swiftly replies “I’m a big softy too!” It was the big cheesy grin on her face afterwards that made me laugh out loud otherwise I would have just smiled and patted her on the head.

Finally once the girls all go to bed (and eventually go to sleep!) I get the present out of its hiding place (my wardrobe***) wrap it and position it on the coffee table for Becky to see in the morning. Yawn…time for bed I think - hoping I will achieve a good nights’ sleep…TTFN (There’s a hint to what character is on the cake?)

* Now you know where the name for the blog came from. I’m only half way through the book, but would definitely recommend reading it.

** I don’t always let the girls watch television. It’s freezing outside and I needed to get the Birthday Cake made. Normally I would suggest they play with toys, read books or go outside.

*** Why do parents hide presents in the most obvious places!! You would think we would know better, having been children once and finding our Christmas/Birthday presents in the same area.

Comments

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It would be great to have feedback of your views on my blog…be it good or bad!
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Census - Your life in 25 simple questions!

I decided to sit down and look through the census form tonight, to see how monotonous it was going to be? After making a large cup of tea, I sat on the sofa and gazed at the ominous looking document before me. Taking a sip of tea I read the front then turn to page 1...by page four I’m bored! So duly throw it to one side and start to formulate my own “improved” version. – Here’s a sample…I will post the remainder later – If you like it of course!?

Falkland Islands Census 2006 – We want to know everything!!

Q3. House Residents

Q3A. Do you have cat/s?

Yes (Go to Q3B)

No (Go to Q3C)

Q3B. Does your cat shit:-

a) In the front yard
b) In the back yard
c) In the neighbours yard
d) In the houseplants

Q3C. Do you have hamster/s?

Yes (Get a cat!)
No (Go to Q3D)

Q3D. Were your hamster/s eaten by the cat?

Yes (Go to Q3F)

Q3F. Did you kill the cat after it ate your hamster?

Yes

Census Delivery – Round 2

It’s a typical ‘heart leaping out of chest' morning as the alarm sounds at 6:30! I’m sure it’s not good for you to jump start mornings in this fashion – you may as well wire yourself up to the plug sockets! It has the same effect, apart from the uncontrollable hair style!

As I sit up every muscle in my body groans – I thought I might have overdosed on exercise last night!* I know it’s particularly bad when my joints creak as I crawl, like an old woman with a hip replacement, out of bed. OK…stop being such a baby and get dressed I think to myself - oow, ahh, eeh! On second thoughts…be a wimp and take it easy today!”

The girls are late at rising, which was to be expected I suppose. We get ready, head to the childminders, unload and I arrive at work on time again! This can’t be right! Maybe someone is deliberately winding the clock at work back for me? Thanks guys if you are!

It’s another typical day at work, apart from my sympathy plea paying off and scoring two cups of tea being made for me – Is it just me or do they always taste better when someone else makes them?

At 4:30 I collect the girls and head to Nanny and Granddad’s ** again (What would we do with out them – God bless Grand Parents!)

I head back down to Census base and collect the last of our areas forms and my lovely bright vest! I’m hoping not to get caught in a snow squall tonight, or be assumed a Police Officer, but after looking at the clouds looming over the South of town, while I put my vest on over my coat, I have a feeling it will happen! I should say the weather has eased up a little today, leaving 1-2 inches (from the 3 yesterday) of snow on the cars. And I know it’s not as cold tonight because my Mars Bar isn’t frozen like it was last night!

Delivery doesn’t take too long thankfully, only a little confusion as where to leave forms for half build houses and empty plots of land. I decided they should probably go back to base and be called incomplete…phew I was right! I manage to get home by 8:00pm, put the girls straight to bed and go and grab a cup of tea…or do I feel like a beer? So to save arguments with myself I made a cup of hot chocolate!

As I walk back through the house to the room I realize the chaos that is my lounge! Turn around and it has spread to the Kitchen too, surely the…nope the bathrooms and bedrooms have been hit by a bomb also. Great! I had better drink up and go do some domestic chores I suppose…

*Considering the only exercise I get in a day is walking up the staircase at work!

**We call my parents Nan & Granddad as it was too confusing having two mums in the same house.

Why do we hate Mondays?

The morning starts with a bang…well more of a BUZZ, BUZZ from the alarm clock screaming in my ear. I shove the button quite hard to express my displeasure at being woken up in such a manner.* I lie back down and look at the ceiling for a few minutes contemplating if anyone would miss me today? Just then Becky staggers in “Mum I want breakfast!” (I’m sure she isn’t even awake! – I’m certain she has a pre-recorded message embedded into her brain that is set to go off as soon as her feet touch the floor). On that note I drag myself out of bed, throw some clothes on and hit the button on the computer, as I pass to go to the kitchen.

Becky has already seated herself on the Budweiser box ** so I pat her on the head, say “Good morning” and continue into the kitchen. I grab her breakfast and make a bottle for Sarah (I figured she’ll be hungry since she didn’t wake at some silly hour this morning!) I go back to the room and check the emails…all junk – nothing new there then! I click the screen off and head for Sarah, who is starting to stir now.

When I walk over to Sarah’s bed she grins and flaps her arms and legs vigorously. Sarah is always pleased to see a face in the mornings – It must be torture being stuck in bed (Yeah torture! I think to myself sarcastically). I give her the bottle and go across to Katie. Apart from a few strands of strawberry blonde hair poking out of the duvet she is buried under the covers, so I shake the lump that I believe to be Katie.

As the monster under the covers stirs I open the curtains and get some clothes ready for after breakfast*** I bravely peek through the bars of the bunk bed to see if the monster is awake, she half opens one eye, has a big stretch, sits up and climbs out of bed. Her feet hit the floor and guess what? “Mum I want breakfast!” – I know its amazing isn’t it!

I get Kate her breakfast, dress Becky and get Sarah out of bed, now that she has finished her milk, and dress her also. Katie is good in that she can dress herself so I now have time to get a snack for school and pack the bags for the childminder. At this point I should mention this is a typical day in our house…and it isn’t even 7:30 – Where is my nice warm bed!?

I consider it a good day today, even with the 3 inches of snow covering the ground & car, as we are out of the house by 7:40. By the time I have run back and forth to the car three times it is 7:45. It only takes 5 minutes to get to the childminders, (not speeding – believe it or not!) 6 minutes to unload and 3 minutes to get to work (now speeding!) but I roll in at 7:59. One minute early! I probably didn’t need to speed!

Thankfully we have a kitchen at work (you may have not noticed I didn’t have any breakfast!) so I can catch up with myself by making a pit stop there for a cup of tea…sip…ahhh (weary sigh) Starting to feel better already! While the computer is waking up I can sit looking out my window (which I might add has an amazing view!) supping away at my tea. A little while later I finish my tea then realize the computer has been waiting for a password. Whoops…I type it in and head off to get another cup of tea.

The rest of my day is fairly peaceful. I’m far more organised at work than at home everything has its place and is up-to-date. Well it should be otherwise I would get the sack!

It’s at 4:30 when the chaos starts again…that’s when I collect the girls from the childminders and cover another six trips back and forth to the car. Normally I would shut the front door of the house and breathe a sigh of relief that we don’t have to go out again until morning! But alas there’s no peace tonight as I have been volunteered for the census delivery night.

We have to deliver a census form to every house in Stanley (Guestimate 900-1,000 dwellings – And you thought Stanley was a small town!). I think I cheered a few people up when they opened their door to a fluorescent yellow coat, grey woolly cap with dog ears, bright red face and a sprinkling of snow over my shoulders and arms. A few cheeky buggers had the gall to say “Nice night isn’t it!” – I grit my teeth and bare a smile then turn and mumble to myself as I head back down the path “Nice night! – Yeah if your sitting in your nice warm house, on your nice comfy sofa, watching your bloody boring soaps!!”…“Oh how I want to watch a bloody boring soap right now!!”

I finish my delegated area by 8:15 and head back to base where I am told the other didn’t finish and could I come back tomorrow “NO F***KING WAY!” That’s what I should have said but instead it was “Yeah No Worries!” What an idiot! I pick the kids up from Nanny’s house and get them home to bed by 9:00 (I hope they are not too tired tomorrow!) It’s 10:00 now and my bed is looking mighty comfortable so I will tell you tomorrow how “Census Delivery Round 2” goes!

Why do we hate Mondays? – Well there’s a good start.

* I shouldn’t be so harsh - It’s not the clocks fault I don’t trust myself to wake up even to the soothing sounds of FM Radio!

** We don’t have a dining table (or dining room for that matter) in our house yet – It’s on the “to do” list. The girls sit at a small plastic table with plastic chairs. We used to have two, but Dan managed to break the leg off one when he kicked it across the room after it got in his way. A few toys have been lost this way…”Death by boot!” I understand though - there’s nothing worse than standing on a sharp bloody toy, that has been left out, when you least expect it!

***There’s no point dressing the children before breakfast, especially Becky, they get covered in what ever you give them and I would only have to change them again!

Red Herring

Is no-one going to guess the odd picture out from the last post?? It's quite easy really - Especially if you live in New Zealand!!

A picture is worth 1,000 words...

...so here's 5,000!

Would you believe I haven’t had time to write a post lately?

I am only posting a few scenic shots of the FI today. The good news is they are quite picturesque so don’t require words anyway!

P.S Can you spot the red herring??

Fishery Baatrol

Hello and welcome to “Caught in the Net” Today I am interviewing…A.Sheep, who doesn’t want to be named, and the Fishery Patrol Vessel “Dorada” about their lives in the Falkland Islands.

I began with a spokes person from “Dorada” – Because ships can’t talk silly!



Time Travelers Wife (TTW): “What do you do for a living?”

Dorada Spokes Person (DSP): “We normally patrol the Falkland Islands Conservation Zones or FICZ checking that everyone is fishing legally!

TTW: “Have you ever caught anyone illegally fishing?”

DSP: “Oh yes – Quite a few times. We have two more than “SIGMA” and if they don’t catch some by 4pm on Friday they have to buy the beers!”

TTW: “How long have you lived in the Islands?”

DSP: “Who? - Me or Dorada?”

TTW: “Dorada”

DSP: “Oh about …eeeight years”

TTW: “And have you enjoyed your time here?”

DSP: “Who? - Me or Dorada?”

TTW: “DORADA! – It IS an interview with her after all!”

DSP: “In that case I haven’t a fucking clue…It’s not like I can talk to the damn ship – Is it? I mean…if it wasn’t for me she wouldn’t even get off the bloody dock and…”

TTW: “Yes! thank you Dorada - now A.Sheep can I ask you about the top secret sheep patrolling Dorada is believed to be doing?” “No-one has actually seen her in action and it is thought to be a myth, but after some photographic evidence we wanted to find out the truth for our listeners - Can you confirm it is true?”

A.SHEEP: “Mmmmm…Baaaaa”

TTW: “Umm…Is that a yes or a no?”

A.SHEEP: “Baaaaa”

TTW: “THAT’S IT! - I GIVE UP! – Why do I get all the weird interviews – It’s not fair!”

Good Night Out?

I’ve come out from hibernation with a bang!

By going out last night on a “Girls night out” and getting completely legless! Not very responsible for a single* mum I know but, having not been out for some time, it was a well deserved break and a very enjoyable night…what I remember of it anyway!

I did note a few interesting discoveries:-

Eat before you go out
Don’t drink cider through a straw!
Cocktails come out the same colour they went in! (I’ll leave this to your imagination)
No headache?? Just a little groggy and tired

I hope I didn’t embarrass myself (Gasp...or others!) too much and that Anya will let me come out on the next girl’s night – mental note…skip the cocktails!

I think Chelsea (the cat) would agree. I found her in this state when I got up this morning - She looked worse than me!

*I mean single as being single-handedly looking after three kids while Dan is in the UK working not separated!

Out of Hibernation

The meteorology department have forecasted good weather and the beginning of summer so I guess it’s safe to come out from hibernation now. I’m assuming that’s what you’re thinking since I haven’t written a post for nearly a week!

OK – I’m sorry! But admittedly I was never very good at completing my diaries - a bad habit that seems hard to shake! Every year I buy one promising to regimentally complete each day with an exciting exert of my life – Unfortunately not every day of my life is very exciting and soon I began skipping a day here or there until eventually I gave up.

I’m the same with reading (much to Dan’s dismay) If a book doesn’t grab me within the first few chapters I never finish it. In fact…now that I think about it there are not a lot of things I do finish

Maybe I’ll……………………………………..

River's of Stone & Sheep

Here’s a little glimpse of the Falklands Landscape for you.

The first clump of rocks are called “Stone Runs” the second clump of rocks are called “Sheep” - stubborn little buggers! - If you’re a farmer you will know what I mean.
I believe the second photo was taken during lamb marking, which I will explain in another post that way I can dig out some photos to go with it.

Basket Case

101 uses of a Washing Basket - #34 Baby seating area.

Here’s our youngest “Sarah” doing the washing. She can be a right pain in the arse at times – demanding bottles of milk, bum changes and just recently getting shitty when she has thrown all her toys out of the basket...haha get it!

Some days you can do everything you know to settle her down but she will go on for half an hour until, for no apparent reason, she stops screaming and is happy again. I have put this act down to testing Mum and Dads patience (Mum wins every time, but only just!) and to see how easily she can get attention

Even with two older sisters to entertain her she will not be happy some days, but I suppose they can run off and leave her behind – I understand how frustrating that must feel – All the more reason to get crawling/walking quicker kiddo!

I have to say though - it’s shots like this that make you realize what a great kid you’ve got and how you wouldn’t change them for the world – maybe a couple of million pounds???...Just kidding Sarah.

Are you coming to the Falkland Islands?

Will you be travelling Economy or



FIRST CLASS!!

OK – So you don’t actually get the second choice but it looked good and now that I have your attention I would like to welcome you to the Falkland Islands.

It’s not a bad little place – A lot of people complain about the wind, but having lived here all my life (25 years) I have to say you don’t really notice it. I notice the calmer days more, as they are less frequent and my hair doesn’t look like I’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards…six times! Although it’s probably my own fault for having long hair in a windy location – kind of asking for trouble really!

Yes…it is true there are more sheep than people, but luckily they are daft and haven’t worked out how to form an army yet!

The wildlife is great – they will stand around for ages for you. Right up until you get your camera out…then there gone! – I think they are camera shy or maybe I’m just too slow? – The first doesn’t make me look bad so we’ll go with that!

Other key features are…

Land Rover advertising location! – Fairly sure there are more Land Rovers here than anywhere else – Mitsubishi Shoguns are a close second. Yes we do need fuel guzzling 4 x 4’s as we only have one half asphalted roads out of town all the others are crushed rock. Fair enough in and around town is all asphalt and crumbling concrete, so if you are staying in town then a little car would be fine, but generally everyone owns at least one 4 x 4.

The strangest site down here is the newest arrivals…a Double Decker Bus (like the tour buses in London) and a stretched Limousine! Don’t ask me what the owners were smoking when they ordered them!?

It’s a far cry from the “old days” when there were no roads and transport was in the form of a horse and sheepskin saddle, but I will go into another time!

So on that cliff hanger I will depart…good night….one sheep…..two sheep…….three sheep…………..four…..sheee…

Belly Buttons...Who needs them?

Apart from a foetus of course… but after birth do we really need to keep them? – Couldn’t they just seal over never to be seen again? Please!!

I have to admit I think this is a phobia of mine – Can’t look at them and nearly die when someone touches theirs or worse…mine! Will have to check to see if it is a real phobia or if I’m just overreacting! Guess it would be called something like Idontlikebellybuttonobia? Would like to know if anyone finds it.

How did you cope then…having three kids I hear you say? For those of you without the pleasure/displeasure (I still haven’t decided) of having had children I will explain:-

When you give birth – baby comes out, the mid wife (or your partner if he’s lucky! – slight hint of sarcasm) cuts the umbilical cord, sticks a clip on it and leaves it hanging there on baby, allowing it to rot itself away naturally – and this is the way it should be done and has always been done for years…apparently! Then after the ten or so days of rotting, when it finally falls off they ask if you would like to keep it – I MEAN COME ON!! Why would you want to keep it! It’s rotten meat after all!

Think about it for a minute - Would you even consider keeping a piece of stir fry meat on your belly, leave it to go rotten and then carefully place it in a plastic bag labelled “My first Stir Fry cord”, store it in your cupboard until you can smile with pride while showing it off to the neighbours when they come around! – No I thought not!

They are so horrible – The only thing they are good for is collecting fluff! And if you really want fluff just go and scrape the door of your tumble drier when it has finished a load – It’s much easier and not so disgusting!

Note To Self – Buy Bathroom Door Locks!!

Another day another story…having kids may have its disadvantages like - you can’t suddenly go on holiday, go out drinking as often, go for a ride in the car…hell even going to the toilet can be a chore!! Everything has to be carefully planned otherwise there’s hell to pay!

You forget to pack enough nappies or wipes and are caught short at a friends house – who doesn’t have any kids so can’t help. Not only does your child need to be changed though…they need it pronto! The smell is overwhelming and starting to make everyone reach! Even after a bottle of air freshener it still hangs in the air mixing with the freshener and making some sort of weird nice/nasty smell that you’re not sure you want to keep breathing into your nostrils.

Or losing that bloody dummy!! – Try settling a screaming child while frantically hunting for their dummy - that has magically found its way into your shoe, but you don’t know that until ½ an hour has passed and you finally decide to check the car, needing to slip your shoes on in the process and hey presto! By that time your baby has got fed up waiting and gone to sleep without the dummy!! – Sheesh!

Here’s a good experiment for those of you that don’t have kids:-

Try wiping your arse (and lets make it one of those really sticky ones that takes sheets and sheets of toilet paper to get clean) while someone is outside trying to push open the door. You need to replace the book or magazine that you never got to read because you heard the pitter, patter of feet heading your way! The more you struggle to hold the door closed and reach the toiler roll (that is now at arms reach) the more the person outside tries to get in…also remembering you don’t want to shut their fingers in the door because you have done that once before to yourself and it bloody hurts!!

I have to admit though…kids can be great fun too! - especially as they get older and want to help you with the cleaning, play games and sit and chat with you…some of the things they say!...Ok some of which you would like to be forgotten quickly like…

“Mummy I thought you didn’t like that nosey cow?” and
“Mummy, what’s that smell? – Did you fart?” While your standing in the queue at the shop trying to stop going as red as the tomatoes you’ve not quite purchased. And…my all time favourite – You have guests around for dinner and your child goes to the bathroom saying “Mum I need a wee!” That’s fine until …a little while later you hear “Muuummmm…Finished!! – Come and wipe my bum!” Ahhh (Gentle sigh)…those words will stick with you forever!

And on that note…”Coming Kate! – I’ll just go offline”

OK Computer...

Welcome to my blog and my life! Are you sitting comfortably? Would you like a cup of tea or something stronger??

I have started this blog as I think there is nothing better than getting everything stored in your head out onto to paper...or computer (depending on how you look at it?). It seems to clear your mind for another days information download. My theory is we are like computers you need to de-frag the brain once in a while to keep you running smoothly!

And the comparisons go on...We need to be turned on and handled gently.

You have to push the right buttons to make us do what you want

We freeze when we don't get our own way

We catch viruses

Anyway getting back - Another option would be to go out and get totally hammered aka pissed, drunk, off your face - whatever the term it all leads to the same thing...lots of alcohol, loud music and dancing like an electrocuted spider! But that only lasts a night and the next morning you feel like you have literally been hammered when your brain is throwing itself around in your skull! The worst part is...after all that you recover and find you still have an information overload - It's harsh...I know, but I had to give it a go anyway!

So there's my entrance...and now that you are totally bored and have closed the blog I will continue, for those who are a little more patient, with a little about myself.

I'm the wife of a sailor - hence the time travelers wife! - I know it's not time traveling exactly, but the concept is almost the same...Husband goes to sea...is gone for some time...and then falls back into your life for a short while before disappearing again! It's a viscous circle but a necessity for our marriage and future happiness!

I do believe you can spend too much time with your partner...living in each others pockets is always going to end up with nonsense arguments. And they do say "Absence makes the heart grow fonder!" Even so it's not nice being the one left behind all the time, but hey...I chose to marry a sailor...I have to live with it or let him go...and there's no way I'm taking the second option - He far too unique! - If you want to know what I mean you can check out his blog at http://kiwi-at-sea.blogspot.com/

We have three young children and live on a small group of islands in the South Atlantic. If you want to find it just look at your atlas, find South America, go the the very tip of the south, look a little to the east and...there!...you see a smudge that looks like someone has squashed a fly and not wiped it of the atlas - a little smudge I like to call the Falkland Islands. I have lived on this smudge all my life, but hope to move one day when the time is right.

And that's about it for now...I will let you get back to your day/evening...until next time (you toughies that couldn't be bored easily!...