Home Brews for Spews

This week we will be brewing Fosters. This is a great beer in summer when you are likely to have a BBQ (or Barbie for our Antipodean friends).

As Barbie’s are normally outside you can easily tip your drink onto the ground without anyone suspecting you are actually dumping it. A few tips on “How to spill your Fosters without being noticed” are:-

1) Sit on a lumpy piece of ground and set the bottle down on the grass unknowingly, making sure you say “Oh shit! - What a waste” when someone informs you of your accident.

2) If there are children present encourage them to run around you and sky-lark, this way it is likely they will kick your bottle over.

3) House pets can be used in the same way as children.

4) Balance your beer on the edge of a table or arm of a chair.

5) Go to the bathroom taking your beer with you, make sure you take a sip in view of a few people (but hold it in your mouth until you reach the toilet!) this makes the illusion believable. When you reach the toilet spit and tip. Find the toothpaste, squirt a blob into your mouth and rinse with water. When you go back to the Barbie don’t mention you have an empty bottle, leave the bliss a little longer before reluctantly accepting another bottle of Fosters!

You will need the following ingredients:

2 Kangaroos
1 Koala (Because they are endangered otherwise we would have suggested 2)
1 Duckbilled Platypus (remove beak)
4 Buckets of Horse Piss
3 Cups Sugar
4 Eucalyptus Leaves
1 Gas Cylinder
1 Clothes Peg

Liquidize the furry critters until smooth in texture. Pour into a barrel along with the horse piss, sugar and eucalyptus leaves. Cover barrel and leave for about a month to mature. After a month remove eucalyptus leaves and add the gas.

Served chilled (make sure you have removed any food products from your fridge as they will be quickly contaminated with the odours) with clothes peg. Suggest to your guests they should wear peg on their nose – this not only stops the odours but will have your guests speaking fluent Oz in no time.

Enjoy!

Join me next week for Imperial