Note To Self – Buy Bathroom Door Locks!!

Another day another story…having kids may have its disadvantages like - you can’t suddenly go on holiday, go out drinking as often, go for a ride in the car…hell even going to the toilet can be a chore!! Everything has to be carefully planned otherwise there’s hell to pay!

You forget to pack enough nappies or wipes and are caught short at a friends house – who doesn’t have any kids so can’t help. Not only does your child need to be changed though…they need it pronto! The smell is overwhelming and starting to make everyone reach! Even after a bottle of air freshener it still hangs in the air mixing with the freshener and making some sort of weird nice/nasty smell that you’re not sure you want to keep breathing into your nostrils.

Or losing that bloody dummy!! – Try settling a screaming child while frantically hunting for their dummy - that has magically found its way into your shoe, but you don’t know that until ½ an hour has passed and you finally decide to check the car, needing to slip your shoes on in the process and hey presto! By that time your baby has got fed up waiting and gone to sleep without the dummy!! – Sheesh!

Here’s a good experiment for those of you that don’t have kids:-

Try wiping your arse (and lets make it one of those really sticky ones that takes sheets and sheets of toilet paper to get clean) while someone is outside trying to push open the door. You need to replace the book or magazine that you never got to read because you heard the pitter, patter of feet heading your way! The more you struggle to hold the door closed and reach the toiler roll (that is now at arms reach) the more the person outside tries to get in…also remembering you don’t want to shut their fingers in the door because you have done that once before to yourself and it bloody hurts!!

I have to admit though…kids can be great fun too! - especially as they get older and want to help you with the cleaning, play games and sit and chat with you…some of the things they say!...Ok some of which you would like to be forgotten quickly like…

“Mummy I thought you didn’t like that nosey cow?” and
“Mummy, what’s that smell? – Did you fart?” While your standing in the queue at the shop trying to stop going as red as the tomatoes you’ve not quite purchased. And…my all time favourite – You have guests around for dinner and your child goes to the bathroom saying “Mum I need a wee!” That’s fine until …a little while later you hear “Muuummmm…Finished!! – Come and wipe my bum!” Ahhh (Gentle sigh)…those words will stick with you forever!

And on that note…”Coming Kate! – I’ll just go offline”