Over the past few weeks I have neglected to notice the small pile of papers on my desk accumulating. It was only by chance one day that I sat down at my desk with a cup of tea and decided to look up from the computer screen. Stopping in mid sip, my eyes widen to take in the huge paper mountain before me.
An assortment of questions begins filling my head - Where on earth did this mountain come from? How long has it been growing? Did I grow it? What shall I name her?* Whatever the case I’m gong to be the first to the summit and quickly scull down the last of my tea and rush to the kitchen for some equipment.
A while later I return with a spoon and blunt knife (digging gear) some string and plastic bag ties (climbing gear), two bourbon biscuits and a packet of milk (rations). I contemplated a bottle of oxygen, but could only find the fire extinguisher, and decided pure CO2 or foam was a bad idea! Finally I armed myself with the PAID and ENTERED stamps and set off.
Having sourced my knowledge of mountain climbing off Discovery channel I decided to set up camp at the base of (the newly named) ‘Mount Data” and pull out my homemade map formed using paperclips, since the mountain had consumed all the paper! Checked the compass, which pointed straight for the paperclip map, but tried to mark my current position. Unfortunately this ended up in a paperclip daisy chain and made my map unreadable, so I packed it away neatly and consumed the first bourbon.
Two hours later I leave camp and begin the trek. What seems like hours of stamping (trekking), shuffling (climbing) and filing I finally reach campsite two. It’s here I encounter the first signs of life in the form of a goat. I ask for directions, but unfortunately can’t speak fluent goat and it just walks away without even a backwards glance. “Fine I find my own way then just don’t eat my mountain!”
I decide to not stay long at campsite two and consume the last bourbon and milk quickly. Another four hours into the journey and I look at my watch…Shit 4:25 it’s nearly home time – maybe I’ll try and reach the summit tomorrow.**
* Who do I contact to register new mountains for geographical records?
** With any luck the goat will consume my mountain!
An assortment of questions begins filling my head - Where on earth did this mountain come from? How long has it been growing? Did I grow it? What shall I name her?* Whatever the case I’m gong to be the first to the summit and quickly scull down the last of my tea and rush to the kitchen for some equipment.
A while later I return with a spoon and blunt knife (digging gear) some string and plastic bag ties (climbing gear), two bourbon biscuits and a packet of milk (rations). I contemplated a bottle of oxygen, but could only find the fire extinguisher, and decided pure CO2 or foam was a bad idea! Finally I armed myself with the PAID and ENTERED stamps and set off.
Having sourced my knowledge of mountain climbing off Discovery channel I decided to set up camp at the base of (the newly named) ‘Mount Data” and pull out my homemade map formed using paperclips, since the mountain had consumed all the paper! Checked the compass, which pointed straight for the paperclip map, but tried to mark my current position. Unfortunately this ended up in a paperclip daisy chain and made my map unreadable, so I packed it away neatly and consumed the first bourbon.
Two hours later I leave camp and begin the trek. What seems like hours of stamping (trekking), shuffling (climbing) and filing I finally reach campsite two. It’s here I encounter the first signs of life in the form of a goat. I ask for directions, but unfortunately can’t speak fluent goat and it just walks away without even a backwards glance. “Fine I find my own way then just don’t eat my mountain!”
I decide to not stay long at campsite two and consume the last bourbon and milk quickly. Another four hours into the journey and I look at my watch…Shit 4:25 it’s nearly home time – maybe I’ll try and reach the summit tomorrow.**
* Who do I contact to register new mountains for geographical records?
** With any luck the goat will consume my mountain!
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