Are you coming to the Falkland Islands?

Will you be travelling Economy or



FIRST CLASS!!

OK – So you don’t actually get the second choice but it looked good and now that I have your attention I would like to welcome you to the Falkland Islands.

It’s not a bad little place – A lot of people complain about the wind, but having lived here all my life (25 years) I have to say you don’t really notice it. I notice the calmer days more, as they are less frequent and my hair doesn’t look like I’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards…six times! Although it’s probably my own fault for having long hair in a windy location – kind of asking for trouble really!

Yes…it is true there are more sheep than people, but luckily they are daft and haven’t worked out how to form an army yet!

The wildlife is great – they will stand around for ages for you. Right up until you get your camera out…then there gone! – I think they are camera shy or maybe I’m just too slow? – The first doesn’t make me look bad so we’ll go with that!

Other key features are…

Land Rover advertising location! – Fairly sure there are more Land Rovers here than anywhere else – Mitsubishi Shoguns are a close second. Yes we do need fuel guzzling 4 x 4’s as we only have one half asphalted roads out of town all the others are crushed rock. Fair enough in and around town is all asphalt and crumbling concrete, so if you are staying in town then a little car would be fine, but generally everyone owns at least one 4 x 4.

The strangest site down here is the newest arrivals…a Double Decker Bus (like the tour buses in London) and a stretched Limousine! Don’t ask me what the owners were smoking when they ordered them!?

It’s a far cry from the “old days” when there were no roads and transport was in the form of a horse and sheepskin saddle, but I will go into another time!

So on that cliff hanger I will depart…good night….one sheep…..two sheep…….three sheep…………..four…..sheee…

Belly Buttons...Who needs them?

Apart from a foetus of course… but after birth do we really need to keep them? – Couldn’t they just seal over never to be seen again? Please!!

I have to admit I think this is a phobia of mine – Can’t look at them and nearly die when someone touches theirs or worse…mine! Will have to check to see if it is a real phobia or if I’m just overreacting! Guess it would be called something like Idontlikebellybuttonobia? Would like to know if anyone finds it.

How did you cope then…having three kids I hear you say? For those of you without the pleasure/displeasure (I still haven’t decided) of having had children I will explain:-

When you give birth – baby comes out, the mid wife (or your partner if he’s lucky! – slight hint of sarcasm) cuts the umbilical cord, sticks a clip on it and leaves it hanging there on baby, allowing it to rot itself away naturally – and this is the way it should be done and has always been done for years…apparently! Then after the ten or so days of rotting, when it finally falls off they ask if you would like to keep it – I MEAN COME ON!! Why would you want to keep it! It’s rotten meat after all!

Think about it for a minute - Would you even consider keeping a piece of stir fry meat on your belly, leave it to go rotten and then carefully place it in a plastic bag labelled “My first Stir Fry cord”, store it in your cupboard until you can smile with pride while showing it off to the neighbours when they come around! – No I thought not!

They are so horrible – The only thing they are good for is collecting fluff! And if you really want fluff just go and scrape the door of your tumble drier when it has finished a load – It’s much easier and not so disgusting!

Note To Self – Buy Bathroom Door Locks!!

Another day another story…having kids may have its disadvantages like - you can’t suddenly go on holiday, go out drinking as often, go for a ride in the car…hell even going to the toilet can be a chore!! Everything has to be carefully planned otherwise there’s hell to pay!

You forget to pack enough nappies or wipes and are caught short at a friends house – who doesn’t have any kids so can’t help. Not only does your child need to be changed though…they need it pronto! The smell is overwhelming and starting to make everyone reach! Even after a bottle of air freshener it still hangs in the air mixing with the freshener and making some sort of weird nice/nasty smell that you’re not sure you want to keep breathing into your nostrils.

Or losing that bloody dummy!! – Try settling a screaming child while frantically hunting for their dummy - that has magically found its way into your shoe, but you don’t know that until ½ an hour has passed and you finally decide to check the car, needing to slip your shoes on in the process and hey presto! By that time your baby has got fed up waiting and gone to sleep without the dummy!! – Sheesh!

Here’s a good experiment for those of you that don’t have kids:-

Try wiping your arse (and lets make it one of those really sticky ones that takes sheets and sheets of toilet paper to get clean) while someone is outside trying to push open the door. You need to replace the book or magazine that you never got to read because you heard the pitter, patter of feet heading your way! The more you struggle to hold the door closed and reach the toiler roll (that is now at arms reach) the more the person outside tries to get in…also remembering you don’t want to shut their fingers in the door because you have done that once before to yourself and it bloody hurts!!

I have to admit though…kids can be great fun too! - especially as they get older and want to help you with the cleaning, play games and sit and chat with you…some of the things they say!...Ok some of which you would like to be forgotten quickly like…

“Mummy I thought you didn’t like that nosey cow?” and
“Mummy, what’s that smell? – Did you fart?” While your standing in the queue at the shop trying to stop going as red as the tomatoes you’ve not quite purchased. And…my all time favourite – You have guests around for dinner and your child goes to the bathroom saying “Mum I need a wee!” That’s fine until …a little while later you hear “Muuummmm…Finished!! – Come and wipe my bum!” Ahhh (Gentle sigh)…those words will stick with you forever!

And on that note…”Coming Kate! – I’ll just go offline”

OK Computer...

Welcome to my blog and my life! Are you sitting comfortably? Would you like a cup of tea or something stronger??

I have started this blog as I think there is nothing better than getting everything stored in your head out onto to paper...or computer (depending on how you look at it?). It seems to clear your mind for another days information download. My theory is we are like computers you need to de-frag the brain once in a while to keep you running smoothly!

And the comparisons go on...We need to be turned on and handled gently.

You have to push the right buttons to make us do what you want

We freeze when we don't get our own way

We catch viruses

Anyway getting back - Another option would be to go out and get totally hammered aka pissed, drunk, off your face - whatever the term it all leads to the same thing...lots of alcohol, loud music and dancing like an electrocuted spider! But that only lasts a night and the next morning you feel like you have literally been hammered when your brain is throwing itself around in your skull! The worst part is...after all that you recover and find you still have an information overload - It's harsh...I know, but I had to give it a go anyway!

So there's my entrance...and now that you are totally bored and have closed the blog I will continue, for those who are a little more patient, with a little about myself.

I'm the wife of a sailor - hence the time travelers wife! - I know it's not time traveling exactly, but the concept is almost the same...Husband goes to sea...is gone for some time...and then falls back into your life for a short while before disappearing again! It's a viscous circle but a necessity for our marriage and future happiness!

I do believe you can spend too much time with your partner...living in each others pockets is always going to end up with nonsense arguments. And they do say "Absence makes the heart grow fonder!" Even so it's not nice being the one left behind all the time, but hey...I chose to marry a sailor...I have to live with it or let him go...and there's no way I'm taking the second option - He far too unique! - If you want to know what I mean you can check out his blog at http://kiwi-at-sea.blogspot.com/

We have three young children and live on a small group of islands in the South Atlantic. If you want to find it just look at your atlas, find South America, go the the very tip of the south, look a little to the east and...there!...you see a smudge that looks like someone has squashed a fly and not wiped it of the atlas - a little smudge I like to call the Falkland Islands. I have lived on this smudge all my life, but hope to move one day when the time is right.

And that's about it for now...I will let you get back to your day/evening...until next time (you toughies that couldn't be bored easily!...