Last week I found myself cornered into purchasing raffle tickets. This related to a Medieval Banquet evening (being a charity event on behalf of SAMA 82). As I had no real excuses for not purchasing tickets I reluctantly opened my half empty purse and released the last of it’s contents – Sarah immediately handed me back the till receipt, from last weeks shopping, but kept the £10. She politely thanked me for my contribution and proceeded to say I should come, that tickets were £25 each, but included a meal, free wine and cider and fancy dress was optional. The only word that stuck in my brain was FREE! So I bought 4 tickets…Damn what a sucker!
The rest of the week, was occupied with research on the medieval ages to get an idea for a costume (yes suckered into that one too!) Unfortunately you have to make it yourself or go without here – no popping into your local costume shop to hire a gown for the night. That would have been nice though and could have saved me valuable time wandering around town trying source bits and pieces that would make-up my costume.
I eventually pulled everything together and by 6:30 Saturday evening was beginning to turn myself into a medieval maiden – although did consider tavern wench at one stage when my hair wouldn’t sit straight! This may explain why it took me the next two hours to get ready, making us (my Mum and Dad) half an hour late for the event. We turned up in the middle of the guest speech, which was quite embarrassing but not as much as having to walk past everyone, who couldn’t help but stare, to get to our seats. While the speech continued we sat quietly listening and assessing our table which consisted of:
1 Soft centred crusty loaf of bread
1 Large Church Candle
6 Napkins
6 Glasses
1 bottle of White wine
1 small bowl of water with a slice of lemon
And
1 Large wicker basket with plastic bag embedded.
After the speech mum leaned over to me and said “That loaf of bread sitting on the table looks very realistic!”
“That’s because it is mum - do you want a piece?” I replied trying not to make her feel too silly. Poor ma I guess she didn’t research the medieval ages before coming out – I contemplated enlightening her on what was to come, but thought it would be more entertaining to leave it.
And we didn’t have to wait long…I pointed towards one of the waitresses with a large tray of crusty oblongs slices of bread and said, “Look! - Here come the plates”. Mum laughed out loud and replied with “Hah - That’s a good one!” Just as the waitress placed the bread in front of her and said “Here’s your plate Sybie!”…we’ve never laughed so hard!
The remainder of the meal was also full of surprises and laughter. We managed to con a friend (Nigel Leach), dressed as a jester, to juggle the fresh fruit dessert for us. He did well with the grapes and again with the apples until he got distracted by a busty bar wench and…thud, thud, thud! Nigel quickly handed back our, now bruised and dizzy, apples and said “Enjoy your dessert!” before scampering back to his table. Oh well it was good for a while. Just then the hired Jester (Gary Tyrrell) turned up and informed us he had two pairs of tights on because one pair wouldn’t hold up his…well you get the picture! (I should mention we know Gary quite well as he is a dedicated Chelsea Fan like Dad).
After the meal the live band appeared and entertained us with a few songs (not medieval though). They didn’t stay long unfortunately and left us with a stereo to entertain ourselves. I have to admit someone has a pretty good collection of music as I was up dancing most of the evening. It was a good mixture of dance, folk and country (Dad was quick to remind me he thought I didn’t like Country to which I replied “I’m drinking faster now so I get drunk quicker and it doesn’t sounds so bad!”)
Later in the evening (about 11:30) the hall seemed to empty suddenly. People have no stamina these days…although believe I was asleep at the table for a few minutes, but we won’t go into that! Moving quickly on…I noticed three cooked chickens on the display piece in the middle of the hall, so went to ask the organiser if I could have a piece of one. She kindly agreed and said they would only be wasted otherwise. So I headed to the fake fireplace and swiftly removed a whole chicken, took it back to our table and shared it with the other hungry party goers who were too chicken (excuse the pun) to go and ask.
It wasn’t until the lights came on and we were being herded out of the hall when I realized it was 2:30am and the event was over…devastated but when we got outside I was suddenly knackered and needed my bed. Got a taxi home, collapsed in bed and woke the next morning still dressed as a fair maiden, but looking like a peasant girl!
The biggest shock being I didn’t have a hangover!?
