Back to School

After weeks of bashing my head against a brick wall, I had finally discovered the route to eventually become a qualified teacher. My journey begins as a (immature) mature student of Highbury College, Cosham and an Access in Teaching Course, which will get me credits to apply to University.

Early September brings a mobile phone call in the middle of trying to control Becky’s whinging and frantically awaiting a bus that will hopefully get us back to Alverstoke in time to collect Katie from School. So unsurprisingly I was a little taken aback and not fully concentrating on the lady calling to ask if I could attend an interview at Highbury on Monday. After hanging up, catching the bus and just collecting Katie on time did my brain finally process the information that managed to seep through to my memory cells, although this was rather muddled and a return call to the number on my mobile was required. After making a complete arse of myself by firstly getting the name of the lady wrong did I then realize I had no idea were the college is and was forced to call back again! The interview was going to go swimmingly I thought to myself sarcastically!

So Monday arrived and I set off for Highbury via the only bus that covers our area, then catch the ferry across to Portsmouth and finally a train ticket to Cosham (this only being my second time ever on a train so was quite an achievement not to have buggered it up completely – which leads me to believe…train time tables must be simple if monkeys can work them out!)

After a 15-minute walk from the train station, I finally arrived at the college…half an hour early for the interview. So I wasted 15 minutes sitting outside reception on a bench to calm myself and get my breath back (Surprising how unfit you discover you are until you have to power walk a short distance!).

The interview was not at all what I was expecting, although I’m not sure what I was expecting having already made an arse of myself to this lady by phone. Three of us were led up three flights of stairs (not a coincidence I’m sure?) The other two were rather large (I’m being polite!) and beginning to pant by the top, but I held back and forced my unfit body to not follow suit and gasp for breath – more for my peace of mind than anything, although one more flight and I might have started looking a bit flushed! We were herded into a tiny office, handed a timetable and asked what subjects we wanted to do – we would need 4. Ten minutes later I was being led down a corridor and into the middle of a Chemistry class that would become my Chemistry 1 every Monday from now.

Thankfully the teacher was very friendly and took this new intrusion to his class very well. Also lucky for me was they were doing GCSE Chemistry and I somehow remembered most of it from 1997 so it wasn’t too hard to merge into the class.

I am now on my third week at the college and enjoying every day…
Monday Chemistry 1,
Tuesday free,
Wednesday Education and Teaching and English in Teaching followed by s Study Skills lesson,
Thursday free until next term but then it will be Psychology
And Friday Biology 1.
Somehow I have a feeling a Primary teacher with a specialist subject of science is coming, but will see nearer the time?

Gosport-Liverpool-Gosport

It was a particularly early start this morning, to be out the door and on our way by 5am to go to Liverpool some 260 miles away or 4.5 hours by car. This was hard enough for me, but the girls were especially disgruntled by the early wake up call. “Where are you taking us mum?” Katie croaked in a little voice, while slumped across my shoulder, as I carried her to the car. We saved them the trouble of having to try and get dressed while still half asleep and bundled them into the car in their pyjamas.

Miles were covered quickly in the early hours of the morning as unsurprisingly the traffic was fairly quiet – that and Dan was driving so the pedal was to the floor of the little Ford Focus and the Speedo rarely touching below 80 mph. I was just waiting for the wings to extend and for him to radio for clearance on the runway! It did however shorten the trip by half an hour and we arrived at our destination ‘The MCA Offices’ in Hightown, just north of Crosby by 10am. We are here to obtain Dan’s AB’s certificate, something he has longed for since going to sea at the age of 16. And half an hour later we out on our way, with a piece of paper and one very happy Dan!

After controlling the excited child (Dan) we decided to go a little further north and check out the Fleetwood area, as well as picking up some information from the Nautical college on the Officer of the Watch distance learning course (Dan’s new goal). The rain was now pouring down as we meandered our way up the country, splashing in puddles and almost soaking old ladies on our way, while joking about how the umbrella wasn’t going to stop them from getting wet!

Eventually we arrived at Fleetwood, which appeared a quiet and pleasant little town. But you should never judge a book by its cover or town by its entrance gate, as this was nothing short of a horror film. (Stephen King possibly lived here for a short while obtaining ideas for at least 10 of his books!)
We stopped at the college first as it was sign posted and my navigational skills are not the best in the world! We pulled into the first available parking space near the ruins labelled Fleetwood Nautical College to send Dan on his way to get some his information pack, although imagined him coming back with a ‘welcome to the ruins’ map and other tourist goodies after discovering it really was a historic ruin.

Artist Impression of College

It was the real college, although as our luck goes we arrived right at lunch and everyone was doing just that, the receptionist did however advise coming back in a while – what she failed to mention at the time was she was 15 minutes away from closing the reception desk for the day and no-one would be able to get anything after then!

So we ambled off unknowingly to have a look at the rest of Fleetwood and find some lunch. It didn’t take us long to locate a shopping mall (although we did find the back entrance and somehow completely missed the main entrance? – Possibly something to do with my navigating, but I’m sure Dan’s driving had a hand in it too!) We finally found the car park and bounded off to the entrance gates

It only took a few steps to enter into this bizarre setting and immediately contaminate our eardrums with the worst song in history (Love is all around us by Wet Wet Wet). Quickly joking this off, we continued into the mall. It was the strangest mall I have ever seen (although I haven’t seen many) but looked like someone had started to build a traditional British seaside resort and gave up when they reached the first floor!

Shops stood gloomily under a single side of a building, which had then been painted sky blue (possibly to disguise they were even there?) To add to this setting a seagull had perched on top of one of the roofs and screeched a heartedly seagull screech. Much to my amusement Dan commented on them playing seagull music to add to the scene, until I pointed out the real seagull on the roof, which then took this opportunity to fly away. Barely controlling my laughter I managed to further insult Dan by remarking that maybe it was a mechanical gull and there would be someone sitting on a bench with a remote control somewhere?

We eventually found a food court at the furthest point of the mall with our ears now covered to stop them bleeding from the pain of the awful music, which had now moved to something a little less, but still very morbid! While Dan order, I took the girls to the toilets and noticed a Cash machine located directly outside the ladies – Maybe it’s me but isn’t this a strange place to locate a cash machine? The girls went to the toilet, washed their hands and we headed back to Dan. On the way out I stopped at the cash machine, inserted my card withdrew some cash and card and walked away thinking “That was a convenient place for a cash machine”

Luckily we managed to get some food before three fatties arrived and ate all the food! I don’t normally take to watching people in restaurants, but I couldn’t help but watch the fat boy scraping the mere morsels of food off the cardboard plate. I wondered why he didn’t just eat the cardboard; maybe he was just being polite in public? Unsurprisingly they finished before us too and waddled out of the door. 5 minutes later we left and soon discovered them feeding small pieces of bread to the ‘mechanigulls’ possibly to lure them into their reach and swallow them whole, having not been fulfilled by the 10 course meal they had just bolted down.

Another mournful song was playing on the loudspeakers (Peter Gabriel and Kate Bush – Don’t give up). Do these guys want us to commit suicide!? Maybe they wanted us to leave quickly so they could close up for lunch? And playing all most depressing music in the world would remove everyone…well it worked for us, we practically ran through the exit gate, to the car to get away from the torture!

After discovering the college reception was closed we gave up hope and headed home via the M6…what a big mistake that was…5 miles in 30 minutes, was enough to tear your hair out and it was only 3:50pm! To entertain ourselves and remove the morbid songs of Fleetwood Morbid Mall we sang nursery rhymes and memorable songs with the girls. It was soon discovered that Dan knew the Milky Bar Kid Song and could recited it word perfectly…15 or so years since he last saw it!

Eventually we caught the next service station and thankfully after ½ hour of wasting time in there the traffic had cleared a bit. We finally made it home by 9pm, staggered into the house and straight to bed, which was almost still warm from were we had left it this morning!

The Short Story

After fighting with the computer and internet for so long I decided to merge the blogs I have typed into one, but even this was taking forever so here’s the really short version…

Note: I find it more amusing to use the Gordon Ramsay style (when he is showing you how to cook one of his recipes)

Big plane, flying, taking ages, tired, eating lots, drinking lots, peeing lots, poo everywhere! (Thanks Becky!!), smell unbearable, Half way stop (Ascension Island), dark, hot, sticky. Reload, sleep (well try to!) Flight finished - thank god! Knackered! Meet Dan, load car, go home. Arrive, unload, tea, shower, BED!

Check out house, check out car, get another car, drive, good fun, speeding a bit, speed camera, damn it!, no bill in post…Oh well?. Lost in ASDA, lost in Tesco, lost in Morrisons, no more superstores! See sights, scout area, pubs located, still knackered though!

Dan to Baku…gutted! Investigate area further. Find park, Find Pond, Find Swans, Feed swans* get bitten, curse swans, go home. Kids tired, long walk, need drink, hear tune, Ice Cream van! Walk faster, kids slow, find road, van gone, gutted again!

See butterfly, find shop, buy nets, hunt butterflies, get stung by nettles, miss butterfly, curse butterfly, curse nettles, go home.

Clean house, tea on step, fluffy tailed rat! (Managed to get this one posted)

Go to shops, get on bus, funny smell, old people, get off bus, funny smell gone? Walk down High Street, market day! Stalls everywhere, cheap tat, buy new purse, good cheap tat! McDonalds, 2 happy meals, one big mac, three cokes, hyper kids, walk home fast.

Marwell Zoological Park (Not a children’s nursery rhyme!)

Giraffes tall, warthogs small, leopards hide, buffalo wide, flamingo pink, skunks do stink! Tiger stripes, Bats no lights. Fish, snakes, a thousand ants, Becky nearly wets her pants.

Zebras fat, Monkeys smile, rain is heavy…wait a while. Train goes past, walking fast, lightening, thunder, tour down under. Skippy sleeping, parrots loud, time to push through this big crowd. Wom-bat, bouncing rat wish I’d brought a waterproof hat.

See more, Hippo snore, too many ga-zelles on this tour! On site shop, souvenirs, wish I didn’t bring kids in here! Cuddly toys, really tired, get into the car we’ve hired, long drive, motorway, home, tea, what a day!

Staunton Country Park (Not another children’s nursery rhyme!)

Food pellets, sheep and grass, do not feed the short fat Ass. Jacobs horns, Goose shit, watch the llamas ‘cause they spit! Fat Pigs, trees and twigs, chickens with some funny wigs, Big cock, don’t stop creepy turkey on that plot!

Red deer comes up close, goats balance on fence post. Shetland ponies, Shire horse, in a field full of gorse. Rabbit cages, cow pen, stop throwing pellets to the hens! Kids park, slides & frames; here comes the f***ing rain again! Small tower, barn owl, should have brought a bloody towel.

Birds of prey, flower beds, rain pouring on our heads. Pretty peacock makes a noise, another shop, kids want toys. Mad dash to the car, drive home, not too far, grumpy kids no toys for them, finally make it home again.

Dan back (with moustache) – LOL, Pick self up off floor and greet.

That’s about caught us up so hopefully I will be able to post further longer blogs about events.

*(3 weeks later – Sign “Don’t feed swans too much algae”!)