Glasses

This isn’t me - I'm not silly enough to actually post a picture of my most embarrassing glasses days!

A word I have never liked unless used in the context “Would you like glasses with your beers?”

I have never had great eyesight, although I’m not completely blind I am just short sighted, but went through my childhood wearing a thick pair of goggles…highly embarrassing, particularly in secondary school! - Enhanced by my parents picking my glasses for me, a stunning pair of blue plastic rimmed milk bottles! – Apparently I would have broken the metal rimmed ones – I’m still thinking it’s a form of torture!

During the final years of school I neglected to wear them as much as possible and still managed ok. Although the teachers were wondering why I was sitting at the front of the class as opposed to my preferred…way in the back, where they can’t single you out for questioning (which I should add doesn’t always work unless you have a tall person in front of you). It actually proved better in the front as the teacher seemed to look right over you and single out the middle and back rows*

When I left school and began working, I stopped wearing my glasses all together as I was employed as an Agricultural Assistant**, which mainly consisted of farm labour type work and glasses were sure to be lost or broken, especially while wrestling sheep, digging post holes and being zapped by an electric fence…Ah…fond memories – Still reluctant to touch wire fences today!

After two years there I decided this casual labour lark was for mugs, especially in winter! So went and found myself an office job (which oddly enough was horrible during summer – can’t win can you?!) Another draw back of gong to work in an office was I had to give in and go to the opticians, as starring at a computer screen for 8 hours a day is not good for the eyes, especially when you are squinting to see the screen in the first instance.

So £108.00 later I had myself a new pair of stylish metal glasses (Parents were not allowed anywhere near the selection process this time!) and I begun to wear them more frequently. Until one of my girls broke the leg off them and I had to tape it back on like Jack Duckworth in Corrie Street. Not an attractive feature and they rarely appeared out of the glasses case from that moment.

I haven’t worn my glasses for almost a year now and discovered them while clearing out the house down south. For some reason I brought them with me (possibly thinking of getting them fixed here?), but before I could get that far they were attacked by the miniature monsters and are now minus a piece of glass, one leg has gone all together and the other is still taped up. I had a go at fixing them, but couldn’t see the tiny screw to fix the leg back on...Ironic or what - I need glasses to fix my glasses!

After quite a lot of cursing, swearing and hunting around the carpeted floor for 10 minutes looking for the tiny screw I had just dropped, I gave up. So I’m back to squinting at the computer screen and holding books up to my nose to read – Oh well I guess I’ll go to an optician here one day?

“So there’s an idea kids – If you are particularly shy and dread reading out loud or answering questions chances are you will be missed in the front row – I’m sorry if this doesn’t work remember it was some 10 years ago!

** I did actually achieve the required grades to go onto college, but decided to stay back, get a job and go training later.