Who ate my damn pies!!
Everyone knows Father Christmas doesn’t exist! It’s all just a ploy to get children to behave for a month so that parents can have a bit of peace. But they pay for this misconception, as they then have to listen to the children’s demands for presents from this fictional character, which leads to painful blows to the bank account or worse still their moaning and whinging when they don’t get what they asked Santa for, even though they were good!
Either way we can’t win, but continue this canard every year until a child is old enough to join in the deception on younger siblings and later children of their own.
We go through the same fraudulent actions every year, write a letter to Santa and place it on the mantelpiece, then leave a mince pie and alcoholic beverage on the kitchen table. After sending the children to bed and telling them “They have to go to sleep straight away or Santa won’t come!” do we go downstairs and waste some time watching television. Once sure they are asleep we replace their letters with a forged letter from the myth himself ‘Father Christmas’, fill the stockings with the presents hidden in the cupboard, while drinking the rum and eating the mince pie left out, making sure to leave a few crumbs on the plate for effect.
Have you ever wondered though…What if we are making a mistake? What if Father Christmas IS real? It might explain why parents never get any presents from him? Not only is it bloody freezing outside, it’s late and he’s tired, so coming to a house where the parents have devoured his treats is going to piss him off just a little. We are probably lucky he is such a jolly old sole and doesn’t bother coming up to your room, waking you up and telling you what thoughtless shits you are! So spare a thought for Jolly old Saint Nicholas
I am of course going to eat the mince pie and drink the conveniently replaced Strongbow, but I’ll be sure to leave a note on the table telling Santa where he can find some more if he shows up.
Either way we can’t win, but continue this canard every year until a child is old enough to join in the deception on younger siblings and later children of their own.
We go through the same fraudulent actions every year, write a letter to Santa and place it on the mantelpiece, then leave a mince pie and alcoholic beverage on the kitchen table. After sending the children to bed and telling them “They have to go to sleep straight away or Santa won’t come!” do we go downstairs and waste some time watching television. Once sure they are asleep we replace their letters with a forged letter from the myth himself ‘Father Christmas’, fill the stockings with the presents hidden in the cupboard, while drinking the rum and eating the mince pie left out, making sure to leave a few crumbs on the plate for effect.
Have you ever wondered though…What if we are making a mistake? What if Father Christmas IS real? It might explain why parents never get any presents from him? Not only is it bloody freezing outside, it’s late and he’s tired, so coming to a house where the parents have devoured his treats is going to piss him off just a little. We are probably lucky he is such a jolly old sole and doesn’t bother coming up to your room, waking you up and telling you what thoughtless shits you are! So spare a thought for Jolly old Saint Nicholas
I am of course going to eat the mince pie and drink the conveniently replaced Strongbow, but I’ll be sure to leave a note on the table telling Santa where he can find some more if he shows up.
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