The Green Goblin

The Green (Blue in our case) Goblin is a super villain and has been the arch enemy of the Loveridge household for some years.

The Goblins alter ego was noticed immediately - starting it’s life spectacularly as it almost sucked the fibres from the carpet! Unfortunately this “I might be small, but I’m tough!” attitude cost him dearly. Within the first week the on/off switch broke and needed to be propped on with a lump of wood, although the Goblin carried on regardless and just saw the lump of wood as necessary accessory – like a cape or green tights I suppose.

A month later and the head breaks, the lead will not retract and you would get more sucking power from a pensioner with a boiled sweet!

Where the hell is Spiderman when you need him to eradicate this Goblin menace!

Finally after three painstaking years we gave up on Spidey, went out and bought a Dyson. As the Dyson entered the building the Goblin panicked, throwing himself off the veranda, unfortunately for him he forgot the glider!

Freedom

I have escaped capture – It was quite easy really, apparently I’m past help and locking me away in a cushioned room was a waste of their resources. Plus they wanted to use me as an example - children can drive you mad!

So now we are sitting at home enjoying our freedom over a good bottle of wine.

Am I going mad?

Occasionally I notice myself arguing with…myself, or just generally talking to myself as we right the wrongs we were doing that day. Most of the time we support and encouragement each other, while reassuring ourselves we have made the right choices.

At work today I encountered a fascinating experience when I sent an email to myself at home and received a reply, from none other than myself! She reminded me that I needed to collect the mail and forwarded on another email that was sent in error to me…umm her?

We chatted for some time about various jobs that needed doing around the house, so I am hoping she is putting these words into action. Although something deep inside tells me she won’t and the pile of dishes will still be sitting on the bench when I get home.

They say the first sign of madness is talking to yourself, but I find it useful sometimes and hell! - we have some good conversations with each other, since we completely understand where each other is coming from.

So am I going mad? Or convincing myself that I’m going mad?? Whatever the case I have a feeling after posting this there will be a knock at my door and two friendly men in white coats wanting to take me away to a nice cushioned room. I don’t care if they take me as long as they don’t forget myself too…shit! I’ll need someone to talk to in the asylum the other lot are nuts!

First Sign you're gay

Here's an email I received from a friend.Yes he is male, but no he's not gay as and is probably already trying to cut the baby out of the picture to make it better!

Writers Block!

A few of my avid readers will have noticed no posts for some time, I am of course assuming there are some sad people in the world that enjoy my crap oops I mean stories, if not I will continue writing to myself anyway.

I laughed at the thought of ever getting writers block, thinking that’s only for real writers like novelists and journalists, but would you believe, even us bloggers have our off days – weeks in my case.

I have really struggled these last few weeks for a bit to write about, which is really unusual as there is always something to write about! Surely my life isn’t that dull? Christ I know a girl whose career involves wanking sheep – there’s a whole story on it’s own there! Yet my fingers touch the keyboard and I go blank.

Of course I intend to amend this problem and will eventually (hopefully) amuse you with my stories again.